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Friday, May 1, 2015

Warning: Charming Smiles Ahead

Listen, I know the first thing you think when you see me. Tall, beard, wearing a uniform with a deer on it. Yep. That guy has a Pinterest page. Well yeah I do. And early on, I started following boards about comic books, and an interesting thing happened. The comic book pages were very rarely about comic books and very often about comic book movies. Especially loving tributes to the male actors in said comic book movies. Especially Tom Hiddleston.

Warning: Charming smiles ahead


It's an amazing world out there, you guys, and if you don't explore some of its nooks and crannies you'd never know about this subculture. The subculture that calls themselves "nerds" and "geeks" but should really call themselves "moviegoers." If the genre of movie you are a nerd about is also the most popular genre of movie in the world right now, I think that makes you pretty normal.

Yeah. That's 1,518 million AKA ONE POINT FIVE BILLION

Oh, you're into handsome guys with British accents? YOU DON'T SAY. WHAT A NERD. What next? Guys saying they like to see Scarlett Johansson in a skin-tight black suit? Let me write this down because I took two sociology classes in college and I think I'm going to get published here.

I spent my whole life being called a nerd, you guys. I fought in those trenches. I was a nerd when being a nerd meant that you were teaching your teacher how to use her computer and then getting sent to Gifted and Talented Computer Camp. When publicly reading a book adorned with a spaceship or a muscle-bound warrior with an ax was grounds for having cookies thrown at you.

Yeah, I got bullied, but in their defense I was the one wearing a scout shirt to school.

You want to be a nerd now because black plastic-framed glasses are now sexy and Star Wars shirts are apparently acceptable attire on adults (debatable) well NERD UP, FANBOY. Read the dang comics before they're movies.

Here's how you get in on the ground floor, geek. Read The Runaways, by Brian K. Vaughan.

What's that you're seeing? Well. The one on the left is Gertrude, AKA Arsenic. The dinosaur behind her is Old Lace. They're pals. On the right you have Molly AKA Bruiser AKA Princess Power. I know there's a lot to process.

Here's the deal.

The Runaways are a group of kids who find out that their parents make up an evil group of supervillains called The Pride. The Pride's sole goal is to usher in the destruction of humanity. Gert and Molly, along with a group of goofball snotty kids whose only unifying characteristic is a distrust of all adults (even Spiderman), *spoiler alert* foil that plan and go off on their own derring-do. Molly punches Wolverine. One kid steals Beast's glasses. They fight Ultron.

The fact that they manage to save the world while all the female characters manage to always be wearing pants or skirts makes it all the more phenomenal.

Anyway, this is as accessible as comics get, you guys. It's probably at your library. Read it before the inevitable movie or tv series comes out, pin it to your "geek" board. Get some cred, people. Sometimes you embarrass me. Have some self-respect. Like me.

Wait wrong board